The Now

This morning I woke up with a sense of urgency. I decided around 7:15am that I’d stop drinking sugary drinks, read my Bible more, workout everyday, and make blogging a priority. 

Because nothing says “Happy New Year!” like starting your resolutions the first Sunday of September, right?

Cheers!

For about the thirteenth time, I have ventured into a new blog. My hope is that this fresh start will make this whole writing thing feel light and easy. I don’t know why I crave that “clean slate” feeling, really. Maybe it’s because SO much has happened since my time in NYC? (“So much” might be the understatement of the year, by the way)

This “so much”? Well… I finished my Master's program (NYU alum, what?). I moved out of my little cracker jack box on 10^th street, headed for a cute little Brownstone off Berry in Williamsburg with 6 of the coolest people ever. Started an awesome not-for-me job making CA-CHING CHING (that’s the money sound for you non-theatrical folks). Found out that cancer would be taking the life of someone I loved (and quickly). Went into total breakdown mode. Woke up one morning with the clearest calling from God to “go home” (<<what?!?!?!?). I quit that CA-CHING CHING job. Backed out of the brownstone. Flew home. Said goodbye to one of the best men I knew. Cried a lot. Cried even more because I missed New York. Flew back to New York with a suitcase and a prayer for a second chance. Was homeless and moneyless and jobless. Went on interviews- nothing. Went on more interviews- still nothing. Remembered that God told me to “go home” and contemplated the fact that God doesn’t stutter. Went into full-on battle mode with God for kicking me out of NYC and sending me back to the “one place I’d never go back to”. Finally gave up. Came back to Alabama kicking and screaming (quite literally), but with this whole weird I-can’t-explain-it peace. Interviewed for a job 2 days later, got the job… and the rest is history perfectly and divinely timed.

Ahh, Deep breath. Told you a lot happened. I’ll have to share more about that perfect and divine timing later.

I feel a little bit like Julia Roberts handing Richard Gere her running shoes in the end scene of Runaway Bride. Time after time I begged God for a simple faith and told Him I’d follow Him anywhere, only to create a scheme to fulfill my plan and satisfy my wanderlust. I wanted the blessing, but I didn’t want the sacrifice. Somewhere around Hebrews 11, it finally clicked. “Abraham , when called to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going”. Abraham GOT THE PROMISED LAND BECAUSE HE OBEYED.. EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE THE HECK HE WAS GOING. Sorry for shouting through the screen, but those are some life-changing words, y’all. He couldn’t see the whole staircase, but when God told Him to take a step- he did.. Without question, without reservation. It has taken me a few more fights and bouts of disobedience than ole Abe, but I do trust Him. I really, really trust Him. So I’ve given God my running shoes and I slowly lean into Him for more intimacy, more revelation. He has so welcomed me and cared for me as I have struggled to understand His purpose in this whole “coming back home” thing. Without a doubt in my mind, it’s going to be worth it, because like Abraham, I’m living under a promise and I’m looking “forward to a City whose architect and builder is God”. I’m looking ahead with full belief in the One who can create and construct anything.

A new blog just made it easier because there didn't seem to be an easy transition from old me writing to new me writing. Too much change, too many gaps.  And there is nothing worse than reading a book with pages missing, so I decided to throw the old story out (not really, it's still there) and just start a new one.

So, here I am.  My right here and right now consists of Sunday lunches with all the aunts and uncles and cousins you could ask for. My Monday morning traffic involves the R Train my own car (hallelujah, amen) and on Fridays I can hear the high school band from my porch. At this very moment? My dog is running around in my yard (Yep, City people- a Y A R D!) and I’m almost ready to fire up the grill for dinner. It all feels a little homely and boring, to be honest. Not the exciting and full-of-adventure life that this spontaneous, refuser-of-settling-down would have predicted, that’s for dang sure.

But this trust? This total dependence? The 'Now'?? Make no mistake- it’s nothing short of adventure.

Lee